Is there any help to be found?

Hopeless. That is the feeling tonight. Will the chaos ever cease? I feel alone tonight. Misunderstood. Condemned for not being spiritually sound enough; made to feel that if only I had a better concept of who Christ is or if my priorities somehow were better aligned that all this would go away. I feel like every statement I make to try to help people understand better what I'm going through, ironically, the less they understand. I can't get anyone to see that my problems aren't solely a spiritual problem, that I am actually in need of practical daily life skills and just wish that someone might offer some 1. 2. 3. steps to solve problems rather than pitch another bible verse or propose a kink in my theology. I wish people that I turn to would stop automatically linking my illness with my faith. I actually have an intimate and special relationship with Christ that I engage in daily, beginning with my morning coffee and His word open. I do receive revelation from Him and feel His voice in my heart often, even correcting and reproving me on behavioral and heart-related issues concerning my earthly relationships. But people assume that because I am experiencing chaos and emotional turmoil that it must be a kink in my view of God. Does it ever occur to anyone that it's not a faith issue, that it's MEDICAL????

If an amputee went to a Christian counselor and said, "Man i'm having such a hard time in physical therapy, I just can't get used to living life with my arm missing. I can't cook, drive, or even give my kids a full hug..." would that counselor say to that person, "Well, you're inability to complete daily tasks isn't due to your physical obstacle, it's simply that you need to better understand Christ. Seek Christ instead of seeking what Christ can do for you."  No. I imagine that the amputee was probably just going to someone for some comradory, to hear a voice say, "I know it's tough but let's figure out some alternative ways to cook and drive with one arm. We can do this. I love you."

Having BPD is like having an emotional limb missing. The stabilizing factor that is supposed to help you see problems in a rational light and navigate through challenges until they are overcome is cut off and we're left straggling trying to take care of ourselves with a major gap in our mental coordination. My relationship with Christ is my own, He disciples me and teaches me and I can attest personally to my continual progress via my private journals. And I don't want to feel like I have to defend my relationship with Christ when I admit to a fellow Christian that I have a struggle and ask for help.